Friday, July 6, 2007
Begging your indulgence for a brief moment of whining...
I've been feeling discouraged about the Church lately. At every turn, I seem to encounter people who have no interest in the Church but clearly embody its best values, and the loud protestations of self-proclaimed Christians who embody the very worst of bigotry and pharisaism. Certainly, my fellow congregants are not like the latter, and I'm sure, neither are the majority of Christians in this country. But, they don't speak up nearly as much as the bigots, do they?
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10 comments:
Found you via Mad Priest--you've CHOSEN to live in TEXAS and not the Pacific Northwest?? Somewhat obviously, I'm from the Pacific Northwest and live in south Texas, but my gay daughter is in Seattle, which is a much better place for her to be.
Actually, my moment of whining was not motivated too much by living in Texas, although the local Episcopal bishop is quite the bigot. Believe or not, my partner and I have encountered very little in the way of bigotry or prejudice in the community and circles in which we live. My whining was more the result of following the news in the mainstream churches: The Methodists continue to bar gay clergy and harrass members in some congregations, the Lutherans recently defrocked a cleric for having the temerity to fall in love and not try to keep it as a "shameful" secret. And, then there'sthe Anglican communion, where even Canada wimped out recently on tolerating same-sex union/marriage blessings, where the Archbishop of Canterbury continues to show himself to be an incredible whimp, and amazingly ignorant statements pour forth with authority from the mouth of Archbishop Akinola. It just gets so tiresome.
Very interesting bio, Curious. Or should I say 'Curiouser and curiouser'?
I blogged in from Mad Priest. As an outsider re Lutherans, Anglicans etc. I am amazed they have so much energy to expend on running so many out of town on a rail. If they would devote that energy to feeding the poor, for example, they might help make their world a better place to live in.
As a practicing member of the Russian Orthodox Church, I haven't the grace to see how you could leave Orthodoxy to practice in another community. But that is another chapter, I am sure.
All the best to you and your beloved.
Thanks for your comments, Nicholodeon. It is astounding the amount of energy some in mainline churches expend on "kicking against the goad."
With respect to your comment about not "having the grace" to see how I could practice outside of the Orthodox Church: It wasn't a change I wanted or took lightly. Unfortunately, the leaders of the Church don't have the grace to administer sacraments to gay people who do not choose to embrace a life of celibacy (to which I am not called). I try to practice an Orthodox faith even though gay people in relationships who do not choose a life of secrecy are effectively banished from outward Communion.
Correction, please. The Orthodox Church does administer the sacraments to its gay communicants. Each of us here at JN1034 is baptized and chrismated; Sacrament. Each of us partakes of the Eucahrist; Sacrament. Each of us is either single or married, clergy and not; celibate and not; Sacrament. Each of us shares in Confession; sacrament. each of us undergoes Holy Unction; Sacrament. So we don't understand what you're getting at? Are the Orthodox gay-friendly, affirming, and open? No (not yet). But that has nothing to do with the availability of a complete, unobstructed Sacramental life in the Orthodox Church. Never in its history - past, present, future, will the Church ever deny sacramental participation. Oh, a priest may try to impose such heretical blockage, but that's only when he knows things he need not. And that is the responsibility of the communicant. But the Church always provides the Holy Mysteries. Just that some don't want to work through it and stay. True, most Orthodox leave the church but they are not expelled; they make the conscious decison to walk away freely from full participation. It's too easy to say one was pushed out, which is never true. One makes a self-determining choice as an adult as to how far one's proactive love can endure for the sake of the whole community, not one's own personal quest.
Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree about this one, Jn1034. My priest would not administer Communion to me had he known that I was unrepentently dating men, contemplating finding a male partner, and certainly, not after he would have known that I had entered into such a relationship.
As far as his "knowing things he needs not,". . . well, he was my parish priest and spiritual father. For me to "hide" such things from him would be not only bizarre, but quite outside the norms of a normal pastoral relationship. So, it would put me in a position of either eventually lying about my family (living in a permanent relationship with a male partner is not quite as easy to keep "in the closet" as more casual relationships), allowing my daughters to wonder why our family had to remain a secret among the people (fellow parsihioners) we were supposed to be closest with, or being denied Communion.
It's okay with my if you can't understand the nature of that dilemma, but I'm not sure why you feel the need to make light of it, and in a somewhat insulting tone, at that. I'm glad you've been able to remain in explicit Communion with the Orthodox, though if that is at the expense of remaining closeted, I think that is rather unfair and sad. And, if being unable or unwilling to speak about one's most cherished and significant relationships with one's parish priest or fellow parishioners does not constitute living a "life of secrecy," then I'm not sure what does.
Dear Curious George:
Please understand in no way were we making light of your situation. We just wanted to affirm that the Church – as Church – never denies the Sacraments. People do. Let's never propagate the lie that the Church ever denies anyone anything. Christ is the Church, and he gives in full measure.
We’ve no doubt of the painful, tearful and traumatic conflicts you went through to get to where you are today. And as we’ve said before, it’s good that in the UCC you have developed a family that encourages your spiritual life and progress. If you thought we minimized your experiences, please forgive; that was not our intention.
Somehow, somewhere, for some pietistic, monastic delusion, we’ve come to believe that we must confess everything to our confessor, staretz, priest. We've romanticized and distorted the human, functional relationship between communicant and confessor (thanks most to Russian literature). This is, in the real world in which we live, simply impractical, often undoable, and could damage the priest’s own spiritual health. If one’s confession is about a specific thought or instance (eg, “I hate my dog,” or “I stole a paperclip”), these limited confessions are safe. But when it involves a lifestyle that we know is normal, but he doesn’t, we’ve set up both him and ourselves for failure. What we confess may scandalize the priest if he is not ready or stable to hear it.
You know as well as we that not every priest, minister, pastor is innately skilled or qualified for their jobs. My nephew came out to his Father Confessor at an Orthodox seminary some 25 years ago, and the response was: “That’s fine. Now let’s talk about your spiritual life, the interior growth of your heart. Whatever your emotional and sexual life is, that’s outside the talk we have here.” And my nephew grew and developed from that. Yes, that was the rarest response from a staretz.
Not every priest is a theologian. Not every priest is a healer. Or a preacher. At minimum, all serve by proxy as Christ during the Sacraments only. Outside of that, they are as inept and psychosocially-challenged as the rest of us.
And the other issue we’d like to address is the broad-stroked expression “closeted” - a word that's equated with "evil, bad, sinister, etc" by the gay community" (whoever that group really is). Who ever said closeted didn’t have its place? Protection? Safe harbor? When Mary and Joseph fled to Egypt with their infant son, wasn’t their running away in a cowardly fashion a backslide into a closet for self-preservation? No one says we must disclose every piece of our intimacy to anyone but ourselves, God, and a partner. Period. “Living a secrecy” is such a double-edged sword. What are the parameters? Who decides? Who judges? Closets have saved lives, just as monasteries have.
You say “had he known,” he’d deny you the Sacraments. Maybe not? But why make that call for him? We know many Orthodox priests who administer the Sacraments with full knowledge of their gay communicants lifestyles. These priests know they don’t own the Sacraments, none does but God. They administer them regardless, in the hopes of each person living as best they can in this world of tears.
We’ve remained in full communion with Orthodoxy at the expense of nothing. We stand here with no doubts of our faith in the Tradition. But we do, as adults must, discern who we choose to divulge personally-identifiable information and how much. We don’t need the world to affirm our relationship with God. But it is a blessing to share it with loved ones and community when we can, as we are able, each to his or her own abilities and choice. You are greatly blessed. So are we.
So, no, we meant no disrespect. You are, no doubt, intelligent and courageous to be where you are. But don’t diminish those who chose otherwise. That’s their right to self-determination. How else shall we make changes from within?
If we've rambled, forgive us. These are topics that need more than words on a blog.
Dear Jn1034,
Thank you so much for your gracious response, and forgive me if I responded much less graciously to your earlier e-mail. I honestly am not inclined to pass judgment on whatever decision gay and lesbian Orthodox people decide to make in terms of working out a modus vivendi between their romantic lives and their life in the Church. There are no easy choices in that regard, and every decision comes at a cost.
I fear I responded passionately because I do feel ambivalence about my decision to separate myself from the life of my local parish. But, I would, I suspect, feel even more ambivalence about the choices that would have been necessary for me to remain in explicit Communion. Perhaps I should have remained long enough to at least give my pastor and fellow parishioners the chance to react otherwise than I expected. But, had they reacted as their prior statements would lead one to expect, that might have been very painful, not just for me, but for my daughters. I could not think how I would explain to my girls that their father could no longer receive Communion, but wanted to. And, I was loathe to have them be taught homophobic attitudes by people both they and I respected, and whom I wanted them to be able to trust for guidance. (I already struggled with the idea that they might imbibe a certain amount of mysogyny from some of the accepted traditions of the church, but I took comfort that such attitudes were not embraced by many of our fellow parishioners.) In short, I just couldn't work out a way to stay, as much as wanted to.
I thought your comments about the exaggerated expectation of many, that the parish priest should always operate as something like a staretz, were interesting. The OCA parishes may be more suceptible to that than churches less rooted in the Russian Orthodox tradition.
I notice you generally write in the first person plural. Are there several members of a community maintaining your blog?
I give thanks for your words and prayers, and will pray that God continue to bless you.
-Ambrose ("Curious George")
CG -
Glad this is resolved. Thank you for your lengthy reply from the heart.
Please don't get yourself so twisted about the mainline churches. We're on a long, arduous path and sanity is not in the near future for the misanthropes and homophobes that hurl Biblical passages around like nunchaku. Religion is not meant to be a martial art (but protecting ourselves is a right).
Practical interventions do set the tone for our survival. As a daddy, you did the best for your daughters. You do want them in a nurturing, safe environment, They'll learn about the dark side of humanity no matter where they go; that's how this present world of tears is.
The OCA (and let's add all the zealot ex-Protestant converts to the Antiochian Diocese in the USA) steeps itself in Russian piety which is often not grouned in Orthodox theology, just modes of cultural opinion and expression.
JN1034 is three men from Athens, Newfoundland, and the USA. We all work together on JN1034. As you see, I'm the primary writer; we share research, and one is our esteemed webmaster and layout designer. We're Orthodox theologians and clergy. Hence, why we remain anonymous (for now) as we build up body armour so we won't get hit by Orthodox IEDs at our coming out party.
Like we said before, you are a witness to the UCC on the universal Church and can bring to the table some Orthodox crumbs. They'll be learning about our ecumenical history while you get to still revel in the Orthodox Traditions. And teach your daughters, too.
With respect, as always, JN1034
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